Wishing on Weiss
by ShinAyasaki
Summary: Weiss can grant wishes. How poorly is this going to turn out for everyone?
1. Chapter 1

With all the weird, strange, amazing, terrible, and utterly fantastical things that had occurred during her time at Beacon, it was little wonder that Ruby Rose had missed it. What with the constant barrage of sparring matches, homework assignments, Grimm extermination missions, pantry raids, panty raids, and all sorts of other weird shit straight out of an anime, it was completely understandable. Still, Ruby couldn't help but feel a little frustrated and even a bit left out over having missed what was essentially a source of miracles.

Especially since this source of miracles happened to be an extension of her own partner.

That's right, Weiss Schnee just so happened to be a maiden of miracles, a damsel of desires, a woman of wishes. It all started one night after a particularly exhausting venture into Grimm territory…

* * *

Team RWBY stumbled through the door of their dorm room, the four in various shades of non-lethal injury after having successfully exterminated a plethora of Grimm over the past forty-eight hours. They'd all been beaten up and were exhausted, but they'd won, and winning was all that mattered.

Yang had immediately collapsed on Blake's bed, too tired to climb up the stairway of pornographic books to reach her own. For her part, Blake was too tired to care, and curled up against the human heat source with a purr of relief. Ruby and Weiss had done likewise, only Ruby had managed the distance to her own perilously hanging bed before crashing.

As one, they all breathed out a simultaneous sigh of relief. They could finally take it easy… Well, they would have, but alas, tomorrow was a Monday…

"I wish school was cancelled for the next week," lamented Yang, before drifting off into slumber.

"Granted," mumbled Weiss, before following.

Ruby's ears perked up. What did that mean? She opened her mouth to question Weiss, but all that came out was a snore as the exhaustion caught up to her. Whatever, she'd deal with it in the morning.

* * *

When Ruby awoke, it was to the sound of her scroll receiving a message. She pulled it up. ' _Classes canceled this week due to unforeseen incident. – Glynda Goodwitch_ '.

What.

Weiss couldn't have… No way! But what if…

Ruby needed to test this. She needed to test this now. She dragged herself out of bed, insatiable curiosity replacing morning lethargy, and she fell deftly to the ground, landing softly before turning to give her partner a wake-up that was firm but graceful.

"Weiss Weiss Weiss Weiss Weiss!" she cried, shaking the heiress violently.

"AH!" screamed Weiss, alert and confused. "What is it?!"

"I wish my bed was made of strawberries!"

"Granted! What?!"

Suddenly, Ruby's bed spontaneously burst into strawberries, showering the two in a veritable downpour of fruit. A few seconds later, two heads popped out of the pile of red, both of them staring dumbly at what had just been wrought. Ruby stared at Weiss in awe, eyes wide and mouth open.

Weiss sighed. "Well, shit."

And so, Weiss sat down the good little girls of Team RBY and had storytime with them. After getting them all to stop pestering her about granting wishes, she delved straight into the remarkably stereotypical tragic backstory about her power and its usage as a child, thankfully skipping over details none of them would have paid attention to anyways. Then she tried bringing up the topic of the power itself, which resulted in yet another round of demanding wishes that halted only when Weiss encased Yang's mouth in ice.

Essentially, her power boiled down to the following: 1) Weiss could grant wishes. 2) Everybody only got one wish. 3) The power's activation required someone stating "I wish…" 4) Weiss could not control **_how_** wishes were carried out; she could only control **_if_** they were carried out.

And so, Ruby and Yang bummed out over wasting their wishes, the former lamenting not wishing for an infinite font of strawberries, the latter regretting not wishing for effortless good grades. Of course, it occurred to neither to wish for the destruction of Grimm, an end to world hunger, or anything similarly Remnant-shattering like that.

Her wish still intact, Blake approached Weiss with determination in her eyes. "I wish for humans and faunus to receive equal treatment," she wished.

Weiss nodded slowly. "Granted," she said hesitantly. She bit her lip. "Blake, I honestly don't think this wish is going to turn out how you want. It's not because I don't want it to," she added upon seeing Blake's brow furrow with the stirrings of anger. "It's because I've heard other people wish for the same thing, and I grant their wishes, but…" She shrugged and sighed. "Just please don't expect much to change."

Blake sniffed. "We'll see about that. In the meantime, I believe you have a floor covered in strawberries to clean up?"

"Me? Why should I clean these up when Ruby wished for them?!"

"You granted it," Blake deadpanned. "Besides, they're all over on this side of the room. Me and Yang,"

"Yang and I," interjected Weiss with annoyance.

"Are completely unaffected," finished Blake. To illustrate her point, she hopped back onto her bed and curled up underneath the blankets once more. After all, they had no reason to be up so early. Agreeing with her assessment, Yang yawned loudly, then slipped beneath the covers.

Ruby looked down at her feet guiltily as Weiss threw her an annoyed glare, the pair beginning to pick up all the little red fruits. Ruby mumbled apologies as Weiss muttered complaints. On the less helpful side of the room…

"…Yang, use your own bed."

"But Blake! It's warm here! And you didn't seem to mind last night," trailed Yang suggestively.

"Last night was different. Out!"

Blake made to shove her blonde partner out of her bed, but Yang was constantly shifting to avoid her elbows and knees, somehow managing to slip her arms around Blake in a warm embrace. Blake upped her struggling, but Yang just kept dodging, her hands and arms slipping around Blake to, dare Blake think it, _accommodate_ her… After half a minute of pointless struggle, Blake sighed in defeat.

"Fine, just… hold me closer…" she said, drifting off in Yang's arms.

* * *

"Oblivious! He's so damn oblivious!" bellowed Pyrrha as she practically caved in the door to Dorm RWBY.

The raging Atlesian was treated to the sight of Yang and Blake cuddling in one bed, still asleep, and Ruby drawing up diagrams for the newest upgrade to Crescent Rose while Weiss immersed herself in the latest indie horror game off Beacon's DustNet, Nine Nights at Neptune's. None of them seemed overly concerned with the intrusion, and only Ruby spared a glance before she popped in a set of earplugs. Pyrrha's rants tended to drag.

And indeed, this rant was no different, as Pyrrha ranted for hours about the limitless bounds of ignorance to another's feelings and how Jaune may as well have been a block of wood for all she knew. ("A handsome block of wood but still a block of wood!") Yang had awoken briefly to make a crack about Jaune and wood, not that Pyrrha noticed, then promptly fell back asleep. Weiss had gotten her fix of horror for the week, then immediately decided she'd rather get a double dose of horror than actually listen to Pyrrha's ranting, so she started a playthrough of the spiritual sequel, Seven Sins of Sun. The only time this had actually gotten horrifying was when Weiss played through the chapter of lust and was forced to undergo what was essentially a bad fanfic of Sun and Neptune getting it on, complete with illustrations that were just anatomically improbable. Blake had actually gotten up to use the bathroom, then slipped out to grab her team a hot lunch, and avoid Pyrrha. Ruby just kept planning the beautification of her weapon. Finally though, it came to an end.

As Team RWBY sat around the table they'd set up to eat the lunch Blake had so graciously bought for them, Pyrrha deflated with a final round of hot air. "I wish Jaune had the sensitivity to pick up on my feelings!" she wished inadvertently.

"Granted," muttered Weiss through a mouthful of food.

Suddenly, an unfamiliarly familiar scream erupted from Dorm JNPR, and the five girls leapt up and raced over to see what had happened. They'd expected to find Nora squawking and rampaging after finding out they'd run out of pancake mix, or perhaps Ren doubled over in a bizarre sensation of agonizing ecstasy after a round of Seven Minutes in Valhalla.

No one expected to find a shell-shocked short-haired blonde girl wearing Jaune's clothes crying on the floor, hands clasped over her chest.

Silence reigned for several seconds, before Ruby mustered up the courage to say something.

"…Jaune?" she asked.

The girl on the floor looked up at her, eyes welling up with tears. "Ruby! Help!" she exclaimed, "I've been turned into a girl!"

Four pairs of eyes widened as Team RWBY took in the scene, the dots connecting instantaneously. Silence reigned again, before Yang suddenly bellowed out with laughter, falling to the floor in a fit of hysterics.

"We can call her Joan!" she shouted before her fall into unintelligible howls. This turned out to be the final trigger, as Ruby, Weiss, and Blake immediately followed suit, collapsing into various degrees of uncontrollable mirth.

As for Pyrrha, she swallowed tightly and exhaled. She held out a hand to the girl. "It's okay, Jaune. You're still you on the inside, and that's what we all know and love."

Joan looked up at her, and a flood of emotion filled her eyes. "Oh Pyrrha… You like me, don't you?"

"Of course I like you! What kind of question is that?"

Joan blushed. "I mean… you ' _like'_ like me…"

Pyrrha blushed. "Oh. Yes. Yes I do. I have for a while now."

"I… I know this isn't the best time for this, but…" Joan bit her lip. "Would you like to go out sometime?" she asked, turning away shyly.

"Yes! Yes I'd love to!" exclaimed Pyrrha, jumping on the newly genderbent blonde in excitement.

"Kyaa!" cried Joan, before being silenced as Pyrrha's lips crashed down on hers.

All in all, it was a very sweet scene, especially once Team RWBY had settled and finally managed to drag themselves back to their room. But of course, all good things…

"Hey Pyrrha! I think I'm bigger than you!"


	2. Chapter 2

An hour later, Team RWBY had finally calmed down about what had happened with Pyrrha and Joan. Then Ren and Nora got back from one of Nora's walks, and they had to explain that Jaune had become Joan. Nora, being Nora, immediately poked her head through the door to Dorm JNPR to behold what was practically a scene out of one of Blake's books. You know, the sexy kind. Nora was so enthralled with what she saw that Ren literally had to drag the girl away from their teammates with the leash he'd nearly welded onto her collar.

And so it was that Team RWBY and temporary Team RN had left the dorm to spend the afternoon at the library, only Weiss maintaining her meticulous study habits while the rest of them went all out.

Blake hefted a stack of books onto a nearby table, almost all of them concerning the arts of ninjas or the arts of love. The cat faunus proceeded to delve into her pile with aplomb, seemingly polishing off a book every few minutes.

Ruby, wanting to please her partner, had gotten an encyclopedia volume on Remnant's history, and had it propped open before her as she periodically flipped pages. Of course, the encyclopedia was never actually read, its only purpose being to hide Ruby's true reading material, the latest issue of the foremost weapons magazine and catalog in all Remnant, _Guns N' Roses_.

As for Nora, Yang, and Ren (who was dragged along by Nora), these three had found the comic and manga zone, ironically the only part of the library where talking was permitted. They spent hours going through the latest volumes of the various action series, Yang and Nora often reenacting their favorite scenes and showdowns, sound effects included. Ren often got dragged in as well.

"I'm gonna be Arch-Duchess of the Pirates!" exclaimed Yang in homage to one of her favorite series, Single Fragment, her hand making a sweeping gesture towards an imaginary horizon as if the world were hers.

"In the name of the whales, I will punish you!" shouted Nora, parodying the latest magical boy hit, Mariner Sun, striking the titular character's signature pose, complete with obnoxious pelvic hip thrust.

"No, sensei," deadpanned Ren as he read off the latest issue of Assault on Colossus, "It is I who shall make your heart go doki-doki."

Indeed, it was an enjoyable afternoon for them all, even Weiss, who'd given up on studying halfway through with only minor complaint and picked out some light reading from Blake's finished pile. Of course, she'd put the book back immediately once she uncovered its myriad of sordid perversions. It seemed Weiss's week had incurred a triple shot of horror, and it was literally only Monday.

Well, at least it couldn't get any worse, could it?

"I wish I was the main character of my own manga!"

"Granted," Weiss mumbled absently.

An instant later, her eyes shot open wide, and she slowly turned to stare horrifyingly at Nora. Well, shit.

…But this couldn't be that bad, right? Surely she'd just find a new series she'd never seen before starring a character with a remarkable likeness to her, and she'd be entertained with that. Surely!

That train of thought went out the window when Nora grew wings.

With a reverberating battlecry of triumph, Nora soared out the window in pursuit of the thought-train, shattering the twelve foot tall mosaic of imported stained glass with elation, long orange hair streaming behind her and a flaming sword in hand. "The Valkyrie Rises!" she shouted, casting a pillar of flame towards the heavens as an army of Beowolves riding Boarbatusks riding Nevermores appeared in the skies.

Team RWBY ran to the edge of the window, gaping at the sudden destruction and at thoughts of Remnant's future with an all-powerful Nora on the loose. Ren slowly walked up behind them, just in time to see Nora pick up and hurl a statue of a famous huntsman at the oncoming horde, clipping a Nevermore on the wing while simultaneously ruining one of Beacon's favored campus landmarks.

He sighed. "Not again…"

* * *

Never before had Team RWBY ever been so grateful that Ren acted as the perfect counterbalance to Nora. With a single sentence, the taciturn hunter had completely undone Nora's wish, even managing to salvage the statue beloved by so many of the student populace. Of course, they were all still asked to leave the library on account of the broken window, but hey, they were more than willing to call that a win for sanity.

As soon as they were out, Nora dragged Ren into a nearby janitor's closet for a celebratory round of seven minutes in Valhalla.

Team RWBY just blinked and continued numbly to their room, still partially paralyzed with shock and terror at what Weiss had temporarily unleashed. As soon as they arrived, Blake collapsed on her bed, having fainted.

Yang followed, still managing to maneuver herself into embracing her partner, her sudden warmth drawing an unconscious purr from the faunus.

Weiss and Ruby were last, falling on Weiss's bed in perfect harmony.

"…Ruby, why are you on my bed?"

"Because Weiss, my bed has either been eaten, or shoved in the fridge for later."

Weiss took a moment to digest that. "…We'll get you a new one in the morning."

Then they passed out from delayed reaction to terror, and all was right with the world.

* * *

Thankfully, the second morning of their unexpected vacation started off much tamer than the first. There were no unexpected awakenings, no Amazonian invasions, and absolutely zero contact from Nora. They all breathed a sigh of relief at that last one. And the first thing on Team RWBY's agenda for the new day was go mattress shopping for their leader.

At least, that was what Ruby and Weiss had planned.

"I don't see why I'm needed," said Blake absently, turning a page in the book she was reading. "It's not my bed that needs replacing."

"But it's a team bonding exercise!" pleaded Ruby, "You can't just skip out on team bonding!"

"It's not team bonding," replied Blake, "You just want some pack mules to carry your bed back for you."

"That's not true!"

"Uhuh, sure it's not," said Yang dismissively, pulling on a pair of running shoes. Unlike her feline partner, Yang had decided on a more active hiatus in the form of morning jogs. "Sorry Rubes, but you unmade your bed, now sleep in it."

"But-!"

"Fine," sniffed Weiss. "If they don't want to come, then I suppose they simply won't reap the benefits of our shopping trip." Her patience gone, the heiress turned to leave. "Come, Ruby," she beckoned. Ruby trailed after her, a pouting frown on her face as the pair departed.

"Oh don't look so sad," Blake and Yang overheard as the door was closing. "We'll stop at a bakery on the way there. I'll buy."

Yang blinked. "Wait… did we really just turn down an opportunity to get Weiss to pay for our crap?"

"Hmm," pondered Blake, "It seems like it."

They shrugged. While they had missed a very good opportunity, they were both content enough to wait for next time. And there would definitely be a next time, if Weiss didn't want pictures of her and Ruby snuggling together to circulate all over the DustNet…

* * *

"Ooh! Weiss! What about this one?!" asked Ruby excitedly, grabbing a one piece dress of a clothing rack.

In response, Weiss shrugged apathetically. "It would probably look fine if you had matching accessories," she offered, eyes scanning the rest of the store for anything that actually looked good.

After arriving in downtown Vale, Ruby had led Weiss to one of her favorite bakeries and purchased two dozen cookies of varying flavor, payed for by Weiss as per her promise. Then the two had headed over to a mattress store, finding a suitable replacement mattress for Ruby quickly, given how easily the perky girl was pleased, and had it packaged and shipped to Beacon within the hour. As she too was affected by Ruby's new sleeping accommodations, Weiss had picked out an elegant new spread for herself as well, a perfect fit for a bottom bunk bed.

And then Ruby dragged Weiss around because why not?

Currently, they were at one of the myriad of self-proclaimed stylish boutiques lining the various corridors of Vale's premier mall. Just as Ruby was about to declare her intent to buy this rather unique piece of cloth between her fingers, a familiar voice cut through the air.

"You're thinking of getting that?! It doesn't match your eyes, it doesn't complement your body shape, its seams are visible from a distance, and the designer of that line was recently jailed for proven plagiarism and two and a half counts of arson," came the disapproving voice of Coco as she sauntered into the scene. The fashionista stood before Ruby, snorting in disdain of the dress that was clearly marked discount. "And the color is atrocious. You're better off wearing a potato sack!"

"Really?!" exclaimed Ruby, tossing the dress behind her somewhere for a store worker to clean up later. "Weiss! Why didn't you tell me any of that?!"

Weiss shrugged. "Because I honestly have zero interest in fashion outlets like this one, and that includes fashion worn by more thrifty consumers."

Coco raised an eyebrow. "You think a shop like this is thrifty?"

"Am I wrong?"

"Well… I suppose not. But this is the highest end clothing store you'll find within a five mile radius." Coco tapped a finger on her chin in thought. "Unless you go down. But I wouldn't recommend it."

"Why not?" asked Ruby curiously.

"Because the devil wears prada," hissed Coco, obviously in reference to some past incident, possibly one that scarred at least half of Team CFVY for life. But before either huntress in training could follow up, she changed the subject. "So what are the two of you doing here anyways?"

"Weiss broke my bed so we had to buy a new one."

"I did no such thing!" shrieked Weiss in outrage. "It was your own brazen stupidity that is at fault here!"

Ruby stuck a tongue at her, and Weiss huffed in annoyance. Coco looked at one, then the other. "…Okay then," she said. "Well, if the two of you have some time, would you like to shop for clothes with me?"

"Sure!" chirped Ruby without a second thought.

Weiss sighed lightly. "I was planning on studying after getting the bed, but I suppose a change of scenery would do us some good as well."

"Cool. Let's get away from the discount section then," Coco replied, walking off.

"Hey Coco," piped Ruby as she followed. "Where's the rest of your team?"

Coco shrugged. "Fox and Yats kicked me and Velvet out of the room. Something about wanting some 'guy time'. Personally, I think they just wanted to screw each other's butts in peace without Velvet taking notes for her next fanfiction."

"Thank you for the unnecessary mental image," muttered Weiss.

"And Velvet said she wanted to prepare a surprise for me, so she ran off on her own." Coco stopped to peruse a rack. "Oh this would look perfect on her!" she gushed, picking up a fashionable top. "I wish Velvet was here to see this."

"Granted," muttered Weiss.

A sudden and familiar yelp drew their attention, and the three huntresses turned to peer at the nearby dressing room. "Wh-… Wh-…" stuttered a muffled voice.

"Is… Is that…?" Coco stepped towards the dressing room door and pushed it open for the three of them to peer into. What they saw made them all blush.

Inside was Velvet, dressed in nothing but a lacy pair of lingerie, her skin half covered with edible chocolate body paint. One hand held a bowl of liquid chocolate, and the other held a brush. As soon as the door opened, Velvet froze utterly, letting out a squeak in mortification. They all stared at each other for several seconds in silence.

"…Velvet," spoke Coco softly, "Was this the surprise you wanted to show me?"

Still petrified, Velvet could only nod imperceptibly.

Coco smiled gently. She turned to Ruby and Weiss. "Excuse us for an hour or three, would you?"

And with that, the fashionista stepped into the dressing room and locked it behind her. Ruby and Weiss shared a look and silently agreed to get the hell out of there. As they fled, they could just barely make out Coco's flirty first words.

"Oh Velvet! You're such a dirty girl! But don't worry; just sit back and let your Coco Puff clean you right up…"


	3. Chapter 3

"I can't believe she didn't even ask how she got there!"

"Well, I suppose if one is confronted with their significant other clothed in such an amorous manner, logical thought tends to take a backseat. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Wouldn't know," replied Ruby with a shrug, "I've never had a significant other. But it's still pretty screwy, don't you think?"

After scarring a certain rabbit faunus and being scarred in turn by said rabbit faunus, Ruby and Weiss had quickly decided to end their outing. Now they were strolling through Beacon's grounds, Ruby having successfully bugged Weiss all throughout the trip back to spend more quality bonding time with her instead of going back to the room and studying. The heiress had initially said yes to shut Ruby up, but as the pair leisurely strolled by a beautifully scenic view of the campus, Weiss couldn't help but admit that this was enjoyable: the fantastic view, the gentle breeze, the sun's warmth, the intimate company…

"Hey look!" chirped Ruby suddenly, pointing to a familiar pair of partners. "Yang and Blake are outside together! I wonder they're doing?"

As far as Weiss could see, the two were standing next to a wall looking up, seemingly without explanation. As Weiss's gaze followed theirs, her mood dropped to annoyance as she noticed another potential headache just waiting to happen. "Ruby, maybe we should just leave them to-"

"Yang! Blake!" called Ruby, zipping on over, rose petals trailing in her wake.

Weiss sighed with aggravation, but dutifully followed. By the time she joined them, Ruby was also staring stupidly upwards. "Hello Blake, Yang." She adjusted her gaze up. "Sun," she acknowledged.

"Heya Ice Queen!" called the monkey faunus in greeting. "What's hangin'? You know, besides me!" Indeed, Sun was supported solely by his tail, having wrapped it around a drainage gutter, his hands free to gesture wildly in conversation.

"Weiss just got me a new bed after she broke the old one!" volunteered Ruby.

"That is not-!" Weiss responded automatically before breaking off. She sighed. "Oh, what's the point, you won't believe me anyway…"

"Oh ho! What's this now? Did the Ice Queen get a little too excited at night? Ruby, you lucky girl!" he called back, a wolf whistle added for good measure.

"Hey! That's my sister you're talking to!" shot back Yang playfully.

"And what a ladykiller she is! Ice Queen probably wet the bed once Ruby melted her heart, if you know what I mean!"

Thanks to her enhanced hearing, Blake could literally hear Weiss grinding her teeth in aggravation as the blondes shared a laugh.

"Cheer up, Weiss," she offered, "At least he's not shouting it from the rooftops."

Just then, Sun climbed the five feet to the rooftop and proceeded to loudly shout his support for White Rose in front of the entirety of Beacon, using very expressive hand gestures in the process.

Weiss levelled a glare at Blake. "Is there anything else you would like to say that would make my life any more miserable?" she growled.

Blake was contemplatively silent for a few moments. "No, I've hit my quota for the day," she replied serenely.

Weiss glowered, before turning her ire on the other faunus. "Hey! Monkey boy! Why don't you come down here and say that to my face?" she snapped.

"Naw, I'm good!" replied Sun, launching off the roof and grabbing onto a high rising lamppost. "Hey! Why don't you come on up here? The weather's great!"

"Sun! Be careful!" called Ruby, completely unaffected by his earlier teasing.

"Please, Ruby! I've been doing parkour since I was a kid! No way I'm gonna slip up on something as easy as this!"

"This 'parkour' of yours is needlessly stupid, beyond reckless, and more than likely to get you killed!" shouted Weiss with a glare as Sun leapt to another hold.

"Are you kidding? Parkour is awesome! It is THE best way of moving!" declared Sun, "I wish I didn't have to walk to get around!"

"Granted," ground out Weiss instinctively with clenched teeth.

Just then, Sun slipped up and fell three stories to the ground, screaming all the way. He landed with a crash, and Blake and Yang ran over immediately to help while Ruby and Weiss stared, dumbfounded.

"Weiss," hissed Ruby, "How was that granting his wish?!"

"I suppose he now has to crawl to move around?"

Ruby stared at the heiress for several seconds before facepalming with a sigh. She shook her head, and the pair went to check on Sun.

And sure enough, once they got Sun to the infirmary, he was told he couldn't use his right leg for the next two weeks. Sometime later, they found him trying to parkour in a wheelchair. He was sent back to the infirmary on a stretcher.

* * *

Once the whole debacle with Sun had been wrapped up with a neat little bow on top, Team RWBY had decided to hold an outdoor picnic for dinner. Weiss had wanted to assemble Ruby's bed before nightfall, but was swiftly outvoted by her procrastinator teammates. So instead of making her bed, Ruby helped Yang make sandwiches while Weiss and Blake got together the rest of the picnic stuff. As one, they headed out into the main courtyard to look for a spot, when they stumbled across an interesting sight.

"Hey there girl," echoed a faux-suave voice that could only belong to a moron, "Are you an alien? 'Cause your ass is out of this world!"

SLAP!

Team RWBY watched with amusement as Neptune spiraled to the ground, stunned, as the girl he had been hitting on walked away in disgust. A few seconds later, Neptune had picked himself up and approached a different girl.

"Hey there girl," he began, "Did you grow up on a farm? 'Cause you sure know how to raise cocks!"

SLAP!

Neptune was once again sent to the ground.

"You know," thought Yang aloud. "This is actually pretty entertaining. Wanna just sit here and watch?"

And that's how Team RWBY ended up spending their dinnertime watching Neptune getting beaten up by various women after insulting them with his myriad of bad pickup lines. Though the pickup lines were diverse and never the same, the end result of Neptune being laid out on the ground remained constant with only minor variation. Some of the women muttered about converting to lesbianism as they left, while others had their boyfriends sock the wannabe pickup artist as a follow up. One instance had Neptune accidentally hit on a guy dressing as a girl, only to get a taste of his own medicine as the crossdresser started making his own advances…

But eventually, there came a point where Neptune had hit on just about every single woman that passed through the area, and he finally caved. This just so happened to occur immediately after he hit on Joan, and Pyrrha placed him number one on her shit list before proceeding to beat the ever loving crap out of him. So yeah, he was pretty discouraged at that point. Then he saw Team RWBY watching his floundered track record and went over to say hi.

"Weiss, hello!" he greeted. "Are you-" SLAP!

Neptune spiraled to the ground as all eyes turned to Ruby.

"Why?!" Neptune lamented as he writhed in agony. "I didn't even hit on anyone from your team!" he wailed. "Today!" he added.

"You would have," replied Ruby nonchalantly, finishing off her last cookie.

"You've only been doing it for the past few hours now," added Blake helpfully.

The blue-haired boy blanched. "You… You've been here all that time?"

"Your streak of failure has literally been our dinner entertainment," admitted Yang shamelessly.

Neptune wilted. "Oh. Well, did I at least make you smile?"

"Yeah you did!" said Yang encouragingly, "I even got some of it on video to post to the DustNet!"

"…I guess it's better than nothing…" Neptune sighed. "I wish I was a better chick magnet," he wished.

Three pairs of expectant eyes turned to Weiss. "Oh HELL no!" she shouted, before turning on her heel and stomping away, Team RWBY trailing with amused smiles.

Neptune blinked in confusion. "Was it something I said?"

* * *

With their dinner finished, Ruby and Yang had finally decided to take a look at putting that new bed together, making certain to not damage Weiss's new bed in the process. As the Rose-Xiao Long sisters decided the best method of construction was opening the box and spreading the pieces all over the floor like children's building blocks, complete with the disastrous consequence of foot injury, Weiss and Blake had opted to spend some time in the library before bed. A suspiciously short amount of time later, Ruby had messaged them saying they were done.

And so, apprehensive at the thought of what their partners had brought into the world, the monochrome half of Team RWBY was headed back to their dorm room when the sound of heavy impacts and shouting caught their attention. Exchanging worried glances, Weiss and Blake went to see what was going on. When they arrived at the scene, they were very confused to find Velvet holding a piece of rotten fruit, arm wound up as if to throw it. There was a barrel full of more rotten fruit next to her.

Velvet noticed them as they made their entrance. "Hey Weiss! Hey Blake!"

"Hello Velvet," greeted Weiss naturally. Ever since the incident at the mall, the four huntresses involved had unanimously agreed that it had never happened, and proceeded to bury the memory in the darkest recesses of their minds for eternity. "…Why is Cardin wrapped up in duct tape and hanging upside down from the ceiling?" Asking why he was covered in rotten fruit was rather unnecessary.

Velvet shrugged. "Let's just say he suddenly pissed off a lot more people than usual, his team included."

Cardin caught sight of them. "What are you looking at, you filthy human?" sneered the asshat.

Blake shot a glare at the heiress. "Damn it, Weiss! This isn't what I wanted!"

Weiss shrugged. "I told you: zero control once I say yes. Still, he is treating humans and faunus equally, isn't he?"

Their attention returned to Cardin as he yelled at Velvet again, the rabbit faunus hitting him in the crotch. "Goddamn," she huffed in annoyance, "As much fun as this is, I wish Cardin would just stuff a sock in it."

"Granted," murmured Weiss as she backed away out of earshot and away from the public display of karmic retribution. "Well, this is fun, but we should be going. Come on Blake, let's get back to our room."

The next day saw Cardin in the infirmary yelling at the staff at how human they were, trying to come up with a rational explanation as to why he had shoved a sock up his colon.

* * *

When Blake and Weiss arrived at Dorm RWBY, they were utterly appalled at what was waiting. When they'd left, they were treated to the sight of Ruby and Yang tearing open the box holding Ruby's new bed, throwing planks of wood and spilling open bags of screws everywhere without a second thought. Now though, the random bits of construction detritus were gone, cobbled together in a massive conglomeration that no sane person would ever think could be built out of bed parts. Replacing them as foot killer fodder were bits of twisted metal and mattress down.

Weiss pursed her lips sternly. "You built a giant slingshot."

"Yeah!" chirped Ruby excitedly. "It even works completely fine too! Watch this!" Ruby loaded a spherical mass of what appeared to be cardboard, mattress down, and duct tape into something resembling a sling and pulled it back, aiming it at the window.

"Trust us, this'll be cool!" endorsed Yang with a toothy grin.

"Wait, don't-!" cried Weiss, but it was too late.

Ruby let go of the improvised weapon and the ball of stuff went careening into the _still-closed_ window with a shattering crash, sailing outwards as bits of glass showered the floor. Ruby blinked. Yang blinked. "Oops," they chorused.

Blake utilized her preternatural senses (or rather, simple knowledge on how the heiress would react) to grab Weiss's arms and hold her back from attempting to maul the sisters, a precaution that was completely justified.

"Ruby Rose! Yang Xiao Long! How the hell did you two idiots make a giant slingshot when you were supposed to be putting together a bed?!" Weiss shouted as she struggled in Blake's grip.

"We… may have used parts from the bed you bought for yourself," admitted Yang sheepishly, taking a step back from the enraged heiress.

"You did what?!" thundered Weiss. "Not only did you completely ignore what you were supposed to do, you also had the nerve to take my stuff?!"

"You weren't using it!" defended Yang weakly as Weiss continued her rant.

"And another thing…!" raged Weiss indiscriminately.

"Ruby, Yang," said Blake as she struggled to contain her charge, "Can you two please do something about this? I can't hold her forever!"

"Run for it?" asked Ruby.

"Run for it," agreed Yang.

They ran for it.

"Get back here so I can throttle you!" roared Weiss as she broke free from Blake's hold.

Blake just sighed, then hopped on her bed and started reading.

* * *

When the rest of the team finally got back, it was well past midnight. Blake raised an eyebrow as they filed in one by one, neither of the sisters seemingly harmed. "Friends again?" she asked from beneath a pile of blankets. The broken window let in quite a chilly draft.

"We have reached an understanding," said Weiss, "And we will cement this understanding in the morning."

"Yeah, what she said," agreed Yang listlessly, before plopping down on Blake's bed and delving beneath the covers.

"Yang, as much as I enjoy your company this really needs to stop…"

"I'm tired, the window's broken, and you're cold or else you wouldn't have stolen my covers. Just shut up and let me cuddle you."

Blake sighed. "Well, if you put it like that…" She gave in and drifted off to sleep in the arms of her partner.

On the other side of the room, Ruby had grabbed a sheet and jury rigged a hammock, hanging from the hooks her previous bed had used. Weiss eyed it dubiously, but was too tired to comment, and the pair made to sleep.

A few seconds after turning the light off, a loud tearing filled the room, and Ruby plopped down next to Weiss, perfectly aligned for a cuddle as the remnants of the sheet draped over them.

Ruby blinked. "Um…"

Weiss sighed. "Oh just come here," she said in resignation before drawing Ruby into a hug.

* * *

"So you've granted all our wishes, right?" asked Yang the next morning.

"Yes," confirmed Weiss, "All of you, plus most of our friends, have had their wishes granted. Hopefully this means the end of this wishing madness."

"You didn't have to say yes to some of them," Blake pointed out.

"It's hard to stop once I've started. If you had listened to the monologue I gave about my tragic backstory two days ago you would've known that."

"Yeah, yeah," dismissed Yang. "As if you would've paid attention to us if we gave one."

"I never said I would," responded Weiss. "But thankfully, it seems the recent bout of craziness plaguing our lives is contained, now that I no longer have to worry about accidentally granting the casual wishes of the people I spend most of my time with."

"So… what you're saying is we can get back to living our normal lives?" summarized Ruby.

They all took that in for a second, before the four of them belted out laughing, because really, there's no way in hell their lives could be considered normal in any sense of the word.

And as they walked off into the horizon, the audience's omniscient camera panned up to the brilliant blue sky, because that just seems like an appropriate way to end this story.

.

.

.

Later, Weiss had to mail a letter or something really important like that, so she walked to the mailboxes. When her errand was complete, she headed back to the room. But as she passed by a certain office, she overheard a very interesting opportunity that was simply too good to pass up.

"That woman, I swear!" came the frustrated voice of Glynda Goodwitch, muffled through her office door, "I wish Cinder Fall would just change her ways, dismantle her criminal empire, and do something legal and productive with her life!"

Weiss snorted in amusement. "Granted," she muttered, striding by quickly.

 **Monday, Continuation of Classes…**

"Good morning students. My name is Cinder Fall, and starting today, I shall be your new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor."

[END]

.

Omake:

"I wish senpai would notice me…"

And that was how Ren hooked up with Yatsuhashi.


End file.
